Today, we are delighted to publish this funny story written by my friend, Munch. Apparently, he likes his tracker very much. Or maybe not?
In “Freddy’s Magic Garden” book, my Mum wrote a story about how I went missing in December 2019 but was happily found ten days later. Well, now it’s my turn to tell a story about my trackers.
Since I went missing, Mum has insisted that I wear a strange collar when I go out on my Hedgewatch patrols – apparently, it’s got GPS satellite tracking, whatever that means. She says knowing where I am always gives her peace of mind. Every time I go out, she or my Dad puts it on me, and when I come home, it gets taken off, and then I get nice neck scritches!
But to be honest, pals, if it was up to me, I would patrol my neighbourhood freely and wouldn’t have an arbitrary midnight curfew. I feel my tracker holds me back somewhat, weighs me down (a little) and reveals my secrets. After all, what happens on Hedgewatch, should stay on Hedgewatch.
So, now and then, I like to ‘accidentally’ lose my tracker whilst carrying out my Hedgewatch duties, just to remind Mum I am a free spirit who mostly, but not always, sticks to the rules. Depending on my mood, I return home without my tracker, looking suitably coy or mischievous.
Mum always lets out a big sigh when she sees it is missing from my neck. They say sighing is good for you. If you think about it, I am actually doing Mum a favour as it gets her up & away from her work desk and into the fresh air to do a human Hedgewatch search & rescue mission. She always chooses to accept the missions I have set for her, which makes me very proud.
For some strange reason, I have to stay inside whilst she goes on her tracker-finding mission, so I miss out on all the fun of watching her scramble through the undergrowth and squeeze through tight spaces.
Here I set out my top tips for other cats for losing their tracker:
1. The more dense the brambles and thorns, the better.
2. Use peak season maximum hedge growth for improved concealment.
3. Dropping it in a watery ditch or a big hole adds an extra layer of trepidation.
4. Making your human climb over the fence makes it more challenging as they don’t have the springy legs we do, so you can chuckle behind your paws as you watch them carry a ladder down the road.
5. Hitch it high up on a tree branch for a peak-level challenge
Mum has asked me to tell any other cat parents out there who have to find missing trackers that she recommends wearing old, thick clothing, gloves and a hat and always taking some garden scissors or shears with you, no matter how daft you might look.
Occasionally, Mum gets an alert on her phone that I have gone out of my ‘virtual fence’, and if this is late at night, she has been known to come & collect me in the car. Let me tell you, pals, for a cat who needs to maintain his street cred, this is very embarrassing. I have been picked up from the local supermarket and from ‘The Tip’, our local refuse centre, foolishly tempted by the rattling of a treat bag every time.
How she can find me with such pinpoint accuracy is a mystery! Despite being rather shameful having your Mum come to collect you from a late-night Hedgewatch, I must say I enjoy the ride back in the car. I like to put my front paws on the dashboard or sit on the parcel shelf to get a good view from the window.
I have lost count of the number of tracking collars I have lost over the years. Annoyingly, most have been found as my training programme has been a victim of its success, and Mum is now rather good at Hedgewatch Search and rescue. However, sometimes she can’t reach them as they are hidden deep in the undergrowth of my Magic Kingdom behind the fence. And with those trackers, my secrets will forever remain!
Love Munch xxx
Thank you, dear Munch, for sharing this story with us!
Follow Munch @MunchPudding
Oh Munch you are indeed a maverick playing by your own rules but just allowing your people to think they’ve got you sussed when really they’ve no chance. Superb catting 😹❤️❤️
Top catting Sir Munch!! I guess the trackers that your parents haven’t located hold the key to your secret “adventures”. 🐾🗺️❤️🐈⬛
And how thoughtful of you to curate a series of hedgewatch search & rescue pawtrols for your parents esp Mum!!! 🤭